For many of us there it has been a time of tumultuous change, reconfiguration and deep, deep self-reflection. This is because we are being pulled energetically like an enormous out-tide phase of an immense change that is set to become more evident in January 2020 and beyond.

Those that are awakened and have been on the path of self-development and reflection while by no means exempt from the change ahead, could be somewhat more equipped in their inner life than those how have bypassed every opportunity for growth and has acted out in self-serving ways.

The clock is ticking, and no one and I mean no one will be exempt.

We are all on this earth school, and like it or not, the Holy Universe is our principal and is the one we all will be answering to. Be it our collective actions toward the mother earth, our attitude toward materialism, wealth and ownership. Selfies and being selfish being the brewing tide of the times, it has become apparent in epidemic proportions that ‘narcissism’ – a new bandied term of our culture and society is, in fact, a path to more profound spiritual growth and awareness. Just a matter of time, before a need for deep reflection and self-inquiry, will be hitting the fan.

Because no matter what is happening on the outer world it is often happening much closer to home. We’ve become a society filled with distractions and bypassing (I’ll be using this term a lot). It could be that you run around keeping busy to avoid what’s really going on in your life and your inner world – grasping at friends to distract you, your smartphone glued to your fingertips, taking off with the nearest person that shows some sign of interest, cigarettes to suppress what your heart is really saying or wants to say,  regular boozing to take off the edge of discomfort and boredom, to binge eating to give you a false sense of security, (or I will stuff my feelings down as they are too much to bear!) or working overtime time and time again cultivating a false sense of self importance, whatever your bypass it is anything to avoid what needs to be looked at and felt.

Could it be…?

  • It could be that you are juggling multiple partners to boost your ego and to rescue the lack of genuine inner assurance of your own worth?
  • It could be that you have been acting out blaming and shaming everyone other than looking at yourself and the part you played in the interaction.

Be it at work or in your personal relating. Instead of ‘doing the work’ in seeing a counsellor, coach or therapist or do what I call inner child work.  Because like it or not, that is where much of the emotional wounding stems and is being played out. You instead choose to ‘repeat’ your impact in a wounded manner than to do a deep dive to release and evolve.

That’s okay too.  You know what? The universe is very generous with time and will get you to repeat its cycle over and over again, with different people and places. Great!

There is no escaping our shadow. Full moons archetypally highlight our collective shadows, and it pays to take note of what has been going on leading up to the moon tide.

For me, it has been very much a time of release and letting of the dark emotions of rejection and being left behind, by my partner as it he seems to have moved on by dating some else straight off the bat, out of our relationship. In his words, ‘it just happened!!!!! Urgh.

I ended the relationship for its perpetual discord and toxic relating, which became bigger and louder, to the point, my soul yelled out – ENOUGH! I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!  I had stuck out the difficulties despite its ups and downs, downs, ups and more downs, on the promise and premise that inner work will be done. Well two and half years later, am afraid it all has gotten too much for me to bear. My partner’s idea of nursing his shadow is to totally bypass it with going to the pub rarely being still and overworking.

I had had enough of my life being stalled by nursing his wounds, my wounds and band-aiding the relationship.

What did I learn from this? First answer. Do not listen to anyone but yourself.

My Vedic astrologer insisted that I stay in this relationship so we can burn the Karma. Well whatever that meant, despite my going to him for counsel in the first six months of my relationship, wanting to leave, as I could see this was some WORK here. He insisted. ‘Encourage him to see a therapist’, he soothed. My ex didn’t, did he? Not the kind to go to a therapist but to a pub or hold a drink instead. It was a waste of money, he insisted. Well, I thought differently, – soothing one’s inner life and the relationship with a drink was the waste of money.

Well, there is such a thing as free will, and despite my cajoling us/him into therapy, healing even, putting the relationship on the line it was postponed, avoided at all costs, rebuked as being rubbish and doesn’t work, an interesting concept from someone with no experience of this, touted off, ‘it’s for the middle class whose got more money than sense’. Exasperated and burnt out, as much as I loved him deeply on a soul level I conceded that his guy was NOT willing to do the work and our relationship was not going to work. It also managed to bring out the worst in me. He was good at ‘running’ and it brought my pain and wounding of abandonment over and over again. I got used to him doing that, but really? Shame, as he did dip his toes in and out on several occasions on some inner child work I offered him, but unfortunately, not as committed to bypassing and long enough to live out the benefits of the work had he stuck at it long enough.

It’s like going a diet or exercise routine and expecting immediate changes within days of your effort. Not going to happen. At least not in the long term.

In his words, ‘it’s not going to work’ when I asked him ‘why? ‘Because I know, we just don’t get on. I’m not going to therapy or anything, I am happy with the way I am.’ Finally, the harsh truth was out. I’ll give him that. It’s not going to work because as long as one partner or whoever you are dealing with decides to stay put, and not look inward, take any accountability,  sadly you either stick out the very dysfunctional relating and remain unhappy or let go and move on. This could be anyone also in a narcissistic dynamic at work, with a family member or anyone, any place.

It broke my heart off course and got me really mad, questioning the insanity, of putting up with all the shit! For what? I lamented.

Cherishing what was good… 

I got to see where my inner child needed attending, where I, for the first time in ten years, was willing to open my heart again. I didn’t realise my heart was firmly closed too until I met him and fell in love and to whom I opened up to receive his love and it being reciprocated.

There were many many tender moments, care and him showing up for me. Holy Moly, in so many ways, I had not had that kind of devotion and from anyone, even from my family.  Bar from one of my early boyfriend in my 20’s. We were in some way almost this ‘it couple’ that people always commented on how connected were. We were, karmically tied so while there was an odd union of opposites we were strongly connected energetically and bonded.

We loved being out on the road together and adventuring out, – driving to Portugal to find our new home, more locally in London museums, eateries, wandering the city streets of London, and eating out!

He supported me with my work, as well as being my proofreader, the first viewer of my videos for youtube and biggest fan. Gave me the thumbs up every time I ventured out of my comfort zone — never critical in a demeaning way if anything at all, always encouraging.

I’m grateful for all of the above, his love and generosity.

Karmic Endings…

That said the last several months and for a good part of a few years, it has been the road of karmic challenges and endings.

Now, endings of ways of being, clearing the path for the new, upgrading our inner world, being redirected into a bigger and bolder life and vision. This full moon is certainly doing that!

Time to face our themes of relating and all that is stagnant and has had its day. We know what it is. And what’s more we should all have brighter eyes to see with and ears to hear. Do not doubt what your senses are informing you.

Creating stability is a poignant theme also including knowing what to let go and what to persist with. Perseverance is very much key. But persisting doggedly that has had its sell-by date, unfortunately, will stall your progress, and cause you unnecessary pain. It will be reflected from the other. Say you witness the other person lying to hide the truth or change the goal post or information at the drop of a hat, you know you are dealing with someone who lacks integrity. Reflected back then who is now if you go along with it?

Could be someone gaslights you, but you chose to ignore it as you give them more power and value over your inner esteem. Do not engage with anyone who is going to destabilise you. Must get over it and value yourself.

Depending on your value system and even if you had not given it much thought you would feel the discord – or at least if you are body-based, you will. This is why its good to take time out and get still and quiet, restore and replenish out in nature, do yoga or any spiritual practise that helps us to connect with our true source.

The throat chakra related to Mercury and Taurus Full moon 

It is a time of authentic communication, so it is vital to speak your truth, speak up on behalf of yourself. The Taurus Full moon rules the voice, the throat chakra, the wisdom to say something or not. Tuning your throat chakra will refine this inner expression and guide you to your truth. If you are someone who dislikes confrontation or rather keep quiet to keep the peace, you will be challenged to open your voicebox and say what you need to say.

If you are outspoken like me, and you know it is not going to make a difference in what you say or fall on deaf ears, then trust your inner knowing.  The better route would be not say anything hindering you from further disappointment and unwanted energy to those who are cut off and don’t want to know, or a narcissist, so best to avoid altogether.

Setting good boundaries and acting it out is paramount. This means get rid of people who take up your time and have no bearing on your truth, interest or are simply time wasters. Cull your facebook or Instagram feed. Do not fall into the illusion of people and that of the masses. It is self-serving to FB HQ only. Who cares how many likes, loves you have or people following you? Get rid of the excessive noise. I’ve unfollowed, culled out, groups, ‘friends’ who really have nothing to feed me with. You wouldn’t put anything time and time again unnourishing on your plate, so why do it to your psyche?

I recently went for a job interview for cooking and the ‘principle’ did not bother to show up for the time arranged kept me waiting for 25 minutes – because she was doing yoga, it seems. Despite that job would have given me a full-time salary for two days work, enough for me to live on and save some! I turned it down. Another, lied to me several times in a space of 24 hours, – some super-rich people do that kind of thing to mask their inner lack despite their outer wealth.

I’ve long gone saying yes to things despite its attraction and offers, have learnt to say no, or least not go toward it. Took some time, admittedly, but on working with myself, tuning up my chakras regularly, have honed the ability to see, feel, express and live my truth.

Brutal honesty is needed.

 Wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” – Toni Morrison

Write it out and release…

  1. Burn anything you need to release – could be a letter of goodbye, words unspoken, anger that needs to be let out to make sense of life and purge the confusion.
  2. It would be heartwarming words that perhaps serve being expressed but not to the recipient.
  3. A  letter of love that wants to be spoken to the inner child and healing that needs to happen.
  4. It could be the need to move on, despite the feelings of love in your heart
  5. The desire to burn the karma and release for once and for all
  6. Bury the dreams once made to make room for the new
  7. To release the spells of old, patterns long done with but still seems to linger out of the depth of our soul
  8. Any fears and sabotaging voice that is not true – you know what they are. Write them down
  9. Any unresolved issue with your family and people of origin
  10. Fear of change that you know is overdue – you can write, help me let go of All that no longer serves me.

Writing is a powerful tool to download your thoughts, feelings and express maybe what can not be expressed outwardly for the safety of yourself and or at a time when something whats to be born and clarity is required. Whatever the need, making a practice of writing your innermost thoughts and secrets will reveal the truth.

Sometimes our truth is too much to bear or vocalise or we stumble upon a fact buried deep in our hearts, that highlight the incongruency of our choices and life.

Bring into form…

The throat chakra also rules self-expression in the highest form. A time to imagine a better life for the outer world and yours.

Bring into form in your mind’s eye your wildest possibilities and ideas. No need to share – just send it out there and asked to be guided.

Like the scarab in the main picture, sits on the throat, it is the time for spiritual paths to be forged. Life routes with a deeper meaning to be pursued. The scarab is an ancient symbol of metaphysical and mythological significance of ‘opening one to entirely different energy’, life, life path, creative force. The choice is always yours. Do you stay on the path you know, that feels safe and familiar or due you claim the wild side of your soul, heed its promptings despite not knowing where you might end up?

You are being summoned to a life-changing quest. Fate creates destiny. Set yourself free, so you can experience something more than you can even conjure up. 

The bumblebee on her forehead foretells the power in staying focused and not getting sidetracked from your goal or intention. That said bees are brilliant at ‘smelling’ the flowers on the way, so while a paradox it is essential that we enjoy the sweetness and nectar of life too.

Bumblebee pollinates and, without any bees, we would not have life on earth as we know it. They serve our lives, and like the bumblebees, we are being called to serve. By tuning in to your third eye, you can call on the mysteries of the universe which want to download the secret of your life path and service. The woman in the picture is surrounded by the colour of indigo, which is also the colour of the third eye chakra. It is time to claim your sovereignty by pursuing your dream, no matter how great it seems, align yourself to your truth, communicate with others powerfully and in truth. Heed your inner wisdom and voice.

Know that life is a paradox and when we can begin to love and live from that and in all acceptance can we move through life boldly, allowing for change as it beckons rather than resisting it.  NO matter how hard something may be, it is only in our minds that keep us hostage. The heart, on the other hand, is all expansive and non-limiting.

Set your intentions and dreams: Time for deeper and healthier soulful connections. I say Amen to that!

Whatever it is you want to bring into form, if it is and will serve the highest good for all, and with heartfelt intent, by releasing all the conscious and unconscious blocks we can return to peace.

Play purposefully with your ideas without censoring. 

Let go all that you no longer need, from things, feelings, attitudes, sentimental items that hold negative vibes or ones that hold us back. You might also find you have been losing things, jewellery and whatnot. Gifts from your loved one or once a friend. It may suddenly disappear. Magically it is helping you with the attachment and release. 

Give gratitude and see the good in everything. You know you have come full circle once you can arrive at a less burdened place in your heart, and feel the peace and joy once more. Ride the waves, – learn to become a good surfer in your life.

Ask yourself ‘What truly moves me right now?’

Let the universe lead you. Repeat mantras and engage in practices that will keep your heart centred. Your task in life is to be fully YOU!

Taurus Full Moon Ritual

Taurus is all about beauty, earth, self-care, physical comfort, nature and boundaries. (see a previous post on Heartfelt Boundaries). So if you are in the Northern hemisphere like me and going outdoors is out of the question due to the cold, rain and bleak weather, you can still bring all these elements into your home, with aromatherapy, listening to nature through music, or simply by listening to music that is soothing to the soul. Cook and eat foods that are nurturing to your body and soul.

Take a warm bath, and apply some oils in the bath or directly onto your skin.

Take the time to write out what you want to release. It really does make a difference – especially any mindset that has you stuck, limited, being righteous, and stubborn about how something ought to be. Who cares what another does or not. Stay in your lane. And prioritise what is right for you.

Let Divine Intelligence serve you…

Know that change can only happen when we embrace growth and evolve with what life gives us. It’s neither good or bad. Releasing negative thoughts will raise our vibes and return us to peace.

Time to move on. A greater life and abundance awaits. It’s up to you to claim it!

And so it is.



Rafah x

© Rafah Sabbagh 2019


Image from the Sacred Rebel Oracle deck by Alana Fairchild.

If you are experiencing any core issues in your life do contact me for a private session or sessions. I offer bespoke sessions according to your needs and issues. I also offer relationship coaching with or without your partner and Family Mediation Coaching

Copyright (c) 2019 by Rafah Sabbagh. All rights reserved. You may quote, copy, translate and link to this article, in its entirety, on free, non-donation based websites only, as long as you include the author name and a working link back to this website. All other uses are strictly prohibited.

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