It takes practice to deep dive into self-mastery and to know who you really are.
With all the culling I’m doing in preparation for my new life in Portugal, I flicked through my manifestation scrapbook I put together in 2003 which has followed me through all my house moves over the years.
Yes, I did one of those, back in the day when The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, which took the New age field out into the world by storm and hypnotised everyone by the idea that we can manifest all that we want. This concept is not new, of course, but you got all the great speakers in this movie professing to have their dreams come true.
Oprah et al. were all on the bandwagon. But what nobody did say though is you can’t have what you want if you do not know the authentic you.
And if the decisions, ideas and choices are formulated from the lesser self or the self that is masked with insecurities, addictions, wounded personality and by the approval of others you will find that you have not manifested what you precisely desired, and it loops you back round to shame. That’s because the frame in which we created our thinking/desiring is more likely to be from a place of low self-esteem or the level of our emotional intelligence at that time.
Most are living under the veil of childhood woundings, masks from emotional traumas and a false sense of power and therefore, choice.
Coming back to my scrapbook circa 2003, I seemed to have outgrown most of my desires (this book is ready for the burn). I could not see the point of keeping it as it did not resonate with who I have grown into and become. And since I have created a new one, and just looking at it gives me more joy and recognition. Yes, I have acquired some of the dreams of old, but on the whole, I found it to be superficial and no longer of any soul resonance. A bit like when you look back on old photos of yourself, and you say, what the hell?
I was living back at my parents for a duration where I needed to retreat after a traumatic experience with a bully and menacing landlord from hell! I had to uproot myself from London, my monochrome days mirroring my lack of direction, hopes and dreams. I was awash.
One new book I took with me -‘ A woman’s Retreat’ and got comfort from, I recall sitting in my parent’s conservatory, on a makeshift day bed, feeling exhausted and desperate in need to retreat. I felt such a need to retreat into a haven where I could rest, be myself, comforted and not judged. Well, you guessed I did not get that! Not all parents are good at that. Too busy pushing and prodding, ‘When are you going to get a job? What’s next?’
It was then the seed of creating retreats was planted — the early siting of what I wanted to do, to offer and hold space for anyone who needed that nourishment, respite and care for the soul.
Since then, of course, I have played with picture posting and ideas scrapbook, which is more congruent to myself and my work, where I am going. With much time spent on my inner chakras and soul work, patience and allowing for the universe to show me and to be willing to sense what was next. Now those who have been reading my newsletter know that my dream of living abroad and in Portugal is becoming a reality and will be launching my bespoke haven and various courses together with a new tribe and community, in 2020. As the Barefoot Doctor once told me back in 2002, ‘It all takes a long time’ – I didn’t like it at the time, but he was right.
Be it through circumstances, or choice we get the opportunity to cut things out, people, thoughts, our possessions, ideas, dreams that no longer fit, or even relationships, that have had their term. Sometimes, we lose it, as in the universe has something happen to us that we can no longer go back to the way things were. It could be a sports injury, an accident, loss of a home, anything beyond our immediate control. Other time we begin to carve a trail for ourselves that has been calling us many many moons ago.
But right now, we have the opportunity with this New Moon on Gemini and the months ahead, to forge our destiny and relinquish any habit, ideas of old, places of living, plans, whatever. Take an inventory though in the quiet moments of your time. Be as clear as you can be, and honest as you can be. Do not worry about the how. The Unknown merely is that to live.
- What does my soul know to be true for me?
- What action do I need to take?
But a right place to start is let go all that no longer resonates, bless it, pass it on, give thanks for it, and make room for new ideas, and new blessings to enter. Bless the knee that had you run trails. ~ Bless the music that you loved once but think, meh…and recycle it out to the world. Books bought because it was once all the rage or course related but no longer vibes you…
I’ve been having a great time culling out my books, music and what not. I see in many ways I have outgrown many things, and feel there are no longer things I wish to carry or hold onto. Say goodbye with love to the old you, the things you once enjoyed, embrace the experiences and everything that has had a part in our lives.
We could be feeling vulnerable and maybe a tad emotional after the process of letting go. That’s’ ok.
Take time out when you need, sleep when you are tired, say no to anything that has no sustenance. Trust your body. Many of you would have been changing over the months, and the adventure is genuinely beginning.
Keep yourself earthed, and move slowly in your speech, communication, and check everything out well, considering every new possibility or opportunity.
We do not need to rush. With this quick-witted Gemini in opposition to Jupiter, there will be a tendency to exaggerate things or feel big and bold or hard done by.
‘Say to yourself, there, there, there, I’m here for you, and everything will be just fine’. Take your time, and be kind to yourself. Nourish yourself with all that is nourishing to you. Make choices for yourself not based on your specialness or entitlement but from a core truth that is yours and not based on another’s will, decision or recognition of you.
We (women) on the whole have been taught to sacrifice ourselves our time and decisions based on our partner, and or husbands, parents, friends, work, time and or agenda. Observe where you might find that this happens time and time again. These are deeply rooted ancestral patterns frequently bursting into rage and sense of unfairness because in some shape or form we have made a choice not to support our most profound needs or desires.
The inner child stuck in an adult. Unable to forge his or her boundary and choice. Know that we always have a choice. We make our own decisions, and each time something feels off, that is because it is asking you to look deeper. In all the work and problems I answer, I find one common denominator — lack of power, boundary and congruent choice.
In the light of this change beckoning, keep your heart and focus (energy) toward what you want to feel. The path forward is beckoning. Listen out; keep your eyes in the direction you want to go. Stay calm, adapt to any changes that occur in your plans and current path, and know that we are being steered. Always.
If you are struggling to forge that boundary or get clear on what to do with past emotions traumas, emotional child wounding and low self-esteem issues, you can book me for a One bullet Wonder Discovery Call.
One thing you need to remember is nobody is responsible for your growth, choices and the need to support you.
Self-esteem is at the core of all our happiness and vibrant life.
© Rafah Sabbagh 2019
If you are having any issues with this article in your life do contact me for a private session or sessions. I offer bespoke sessions according to your needs and issues. I also offer relationship coaching, with or without your partner.
Copyright (c) 2019 by Rafah Sabbagh. All rights reserved. You may quote, copy, translate and link to this article, in its entirety, on free, non-donation based websites only, as long as you include the author name and a working link back to this website. All other uses are strictly prohibited.